Break vs. break-up

  So in this post I'd like to address and define the difference between two similar and sometimes indistinguishable relationship matters: a break and a break-up. The first, of course, occurs when one or both parties within a relationship sever the romantic bond and end their courtship. The latter, as most of us know, is a little bit trickier. A break is typically a period when two people in a relationship take time off from each other to work on themselves and/or think about where the relationship is going. It does not necessarily mean that the couple is doomed or that it will eventually lead to a break-up (though that's what several people I have spoken to assume.) Rather, it should be a time of growing and learning. But hey, let's not get ahead of ourselves. Let's start with the simple stuff first.
 
  Although I've never experienced a break-up myself, I've seen friends and family members go through it many times. And I must say that it doesn't seem to be very pleasant. Unfortunately, break-ups (especially divorces) are becoming increasingly common and often occur over insignificant reasons. Today's society prefers to end relationships and bonds instead of spending time and effort solving their (sometimes quite fixable) problems, but I'll save that idea for a later post. In my opinion, there are only four legitimate reasons to ever break up with someone. You should end a relationship if and only if:

  1) ...Your significant other is abusive. If the relationship is unhealthy and harmful to one or both parties, it's time to call it quits. Whether its physical or emotional pain, abuse should never be tolerated. A person who truly loves his or her significant other will have no desire to hurt his/her beloved.

  2) ...Someone has been unfaithful. Cheating is one thing that completely boggles my mind. Why are you with someone if you want to be with someone else? I don't buy into the whole "sex addiction/mental illness" garbage as an excuse either. What's wrong is wrong, regardless of the reason(s) for doing it. Loving someone involves loyalty and self-control.

  3) ...You find that you are truly not compatible. If you find yourselves to be so different from each other that you can't even carry on a normal phone conversation without huge pauses and awkward silences, it's a bad sign. I'm not saying that you should be talking over each other and fitting as many words as possible into a second. But there should definitely be mutual interests and a similar sense of humor.

  4) ...You are not in love. Okay, this is the hard one. Because how do you really know whether or not you're in love? I mean, there are signs and qualities about it you can pinpoint, but no one can ever tell you exactly how you feel; you have to figure that out ON YOUR OWN. Scary, right? Still, once you DO figure it out and you know with conviction that you're right, act upon it. Fact is, there are always going to be difficult times in a relationship because no one's perfect. But do the good times outweigh the bad? That's what you have to decide.

  So do any of the above reasons sound like you? Then, a break-up is probably in order. But if none of those match what you're thinking and you're still feeling like something's wrong, maybe you should consider talking to your boo and taking a break. So what exactly is the point of a break? Possible reasons can include:
     - Finding yourself
     - Reassessing your life and seeing if the relationship is working for the both of you
     - Taking time/space for yourself to think and just be you
     - Realizing how much you miss the other person
Of course, these are only a few suggestions. Breaks are not always fun or comfortable, but I've heard from a few friends that they are often very beneficial and can strengthen a relationship.

  Actually, I think that when someone in a relationship needs space to him/herself, the most loving thing his/her significant other can do is to just allow his/her beloved some time to work things out. And since you already know that I like using pop culture references to get my point across, I think I'll share with you what I consider the most romantic song in the world (please disregard the spelling/grammar errors, as I just found this video on youtube.com.) Here's David Cook singing "Come Back to Me":

  Isn't that a great song? I think David Cook is awesome, and (confession time) I'm a little in love with his weird acorn-shaped head. Anyway, what I'm trying to say (in the form of Cook's amazing vocals and beautiful lyrics) is that there's always a way if the love is there. I firmly believe that if a relationship is meant to last, it will. And (here I go again with the cliches) "if you love something, set it free; if it comes back to you, it's yours to keep."

  Peace,
    KT :)

(image from weheartit.com and video from youtube.com)